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Chelsea & Amber
Spark Mamas founders, Amber and Chelsea, are dedicated therapists passionate about supporting women and families through all stages of the reproductive journey. With expertise in perinatal and postpartum mental health, they combine their unique skills—Amber as a postpartum doula and co-director of the UCSD Women’s Reproductive Mental Health Program, and Chelsea as a Certified Fair Play Method Facilitator with deep knowledge in attachment theory. Together, they empower families with the knowledge and support needed to navigate (and thrive) during this important life transition.
Like many women, we opened the mail this weekend and started taping holiday cards to our wall – before our house was fully decorated. Even though we had intentionally given ourselves permission not to do certain things (like send holiday cards) or do things late (decorate the entire house), we still noticed the internal stream of commentary begin…“Why didn’t we do family photos this year? Should I rush and send something anyway? I could still put together a digital card, right? Should I buy more decorations?”
As we move into the holidays, we know we are not alone in the tightening schedules, the pressure to complete tasks, the longing for space, and the fundamental feeling of being less resourced and generally exhausted at the end of the year.  Creativity and intentionality are often required for making “magic,” and yet there isn’t much room to access either, and so we, like many women in our therapy practices, can be left feeling the burden of responsibility to create magical moments for our children while trying not to be stressed out while doing it. Easier said than done.
So, here’s what we are reminding ourselves as we head into the heart of this season:
Comparison removes context.When we compare ourselves to others, we only see one part of a whole story. We don’t know the childcare or family support they have, their emotional bandwidth, what they had to say no to instead or what is important to their family’s values. Every family’s life holds different realities and when we zoom out, we are reminded that in our family, we chose not to do holiday cards this year so that we could preserve energy and prioritize other areas of life. Not because it didn’t matter, but because not everything can matter at the same time.
Every mom has her magic. Each mom has her own special way of creating magic in her home during the holidays. Sometimes we see magic in the traditions we create, in the smells of the home, or the time we spend doing fun things with our kids. Stop and consider what helps us access our “magic.” Perhaps it’s staying off social media, or creating quiet time to reflect and breathe. Ask yourself what do I want my kids/family to remember about the holiday? Doing this can help us lean into the things that are most magical to us and help us access more creative fun parts that we can share with our family.
Choosing “good enough” gets you closer to your values – not further away. When we have busier or stressful seasons of life we often ask ourselves to list the top three things that matter most about whatever it is we are trying to complete or move through. When narrowing your priorities it can become an anchor for every decision you make and allow for more intentional time spent doing the things that matter and letting go of perfection. There is simply no space for everything to be the priority at once.
So, here’s your invitation to explore:
- Where can you simplify without losing meaning and what would you gain in doing so?
- Where could you trade perfection for more time and connection? (example: instead of baking from scratch, buy the store bought cookies, stress less about the instagram worthy photos and enjoy the messy ones)
- What top things matter most for your family right now… and what becomes optional once you really choose that?
- What do I want my kids to remember most about this holiday season?
So, if this is the year you did a little less, or didn’t do the thing you thought you should or needed to do do, please know, it is likely because you prioritized what mattered most and that was more than enough.
